im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
