You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
