Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
