Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
