I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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