Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize