i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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