i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize