I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
