writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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