I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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