I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
