I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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