Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm jealous of your bromance
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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