i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
