i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
