I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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