I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
