so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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