if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
