Your face is a jimmy john
I understand Curling. That high.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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