HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have fence marks all over my body
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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