tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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