we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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