bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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