When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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