So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
