how can u be prego again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
