Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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