you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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