If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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