Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
