I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
