You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
