How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
