I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
