So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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