I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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