You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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