D3 body, D1 cock
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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