she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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