Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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