he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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