she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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