i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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