Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
