Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
