You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
