Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
