just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
