It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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