I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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