Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
