I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
