I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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