marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.