and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
3 2 1 whiskey
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style