Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off