All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
