glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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