She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
