I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
